Succubus Lord 14: Swimsuit Edition Read online

  Chapter 1

  Life was good for Jacob Ralston. It’d been nearly a month since I’d tasted ultimate victory over the Unholy Trio, and it had been fiesta after glorious fiesta ever since.

  First came Lilith’s coronation, the symbolic act that gave her the Eighth Circle and revealed to the world that she was no longer a neutral observer in the battle between good and evil. It was a quick, yet serious, ceremony.

  What came next, however, was anything but serious.

  The festivities began in the City of Umbra, where we dined on Darkfisk hors d’oeuvres and drank Caliginian ale until we nearly passed out. Then came the celebration in Ziminiar’s castle in the Sixth Circle, followed by a fun, club-like experience back in the First Circle.

  Now, here we sat, on the warm, clear beaches of the Fifth Circle as we soaked in the sun.

  As I sat up from the makeshift beach chair I’d made out of my purple Hellfire, I couldn’t help but marvel at the spectacular scene around me.

  Beside me, all lined up in a row, were the Demon Lords who had once been my succubi.

  Liby, Cupi, and Sia were sprawled out on a towel, and they were clad in nothing but skimpy two-piece bikinis that left almost nothing to the imagination. Their lotion-covered skin glistened under the rays of the sun, and I wanted nothing more than to saunter over there and rub them down some more.

  Meanwhile, Gula and Tris were both snuggled up together on a shared towel. The Sister of Gluttony was nearly bursting out of her bikini top as she thumbed through some tabloid magazine, and beside her, Tristitia was out like a light, and her long, lean body laid stretched out like a piece of candy I wanted to devour.

  Tris’ sunglasses may have hidden her eyes from view, but her snores were louder than a buzzsaw on a winter night.

  Next to them were Invidia and Ira, both of whom had their own unique brands of comfort.

  Ira, the Sister of Wrath, was sprawled out completely naked in the hot sand. She had refused to put on any sunscreen, and I could already see her delicate, pale skin turning a painful shade of red. Ira didn’t mind, though. In fact, she was reveling in it.

  The Sister of Wrath had even surrounded herself with tanning mirrors, and she was moaning softly with glee as she was burnt to a crisp.

  Then there was Invidia, who took the complete opposite approach. The Sister of Envy wore a tight, Baywatch style black one piece on her body, and on her head she wore a giant, equally dark sun hat. Her headpiece completely blocked the sun from her body, and she sat calmly in the shade as she stared out into the sea.

  Deja, Eclipse, Mirage, and Inpulsa were all present, as well. Each one of the women were laid out on their own individual towels, and they soaked up the rays of the sun through their skin-tight swimsuits.

  Eligor rounded out the rest of the sunbathers, though I wasn’t sure how she was able to stand this heat with her heavy metal chainmail top and thong.

  “Boom!” I heard Todd cackle from my right. “That’s twenty-five points, bitch! You guys really need to step up your game, bro. It’s like you’re not even trying.”

  “I’m trying,” Asmodeus grumbled, “but my partner here is practically useless.”

  As I looked over at the scene before me, I couldn’t help but chuckle.

  On one side of the volleyball court was the dynamic team of Todd and the angel Ariel. On the other side stood Asmodeus, clad in nothing but a leopard-print banana hammock, and Mammon, who looked like he was about to keel over from exhaustion.

  “I’m doin’ my best!” the fat, yellow demon king shot back as he wiped a torrent of sweat from his brow. “That one over there’s cheatin!”

  “Cheating?” Ariel gasped. “Mr. Mammon, sir, I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but ‘cheater’ isn’t one of them.”

  “Your partner is floating around like an annoying gnat while the both of us are usin’ our feet,” Mammon protested. “Of course you guys are winning.”

  “Easy there, Jabba,” Todd warned, “it ain’t my fault the only exercise you get is chasing down the ice cream man every day.”

  “I thought we agreed, no powers?” the King of the Second Circle huffed.

  “Ref?” Asmodeus called out. “What do you think?”

  The Demon King Mephisto hovered ominously just off to the side of the court, and his arms were crossed as he watched the game play out below.

  You did agree to the ‘no powers’ stipulation, he explained. However, Todd’s at a disadvantage due to his height. I’m not even sure he could reach the top of the net if it weren’t for his black Hellfire, so I will allow it in this rare instance.

  “That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” Todd cackled as he gave Ariel a high five. “Now that our game’s over, Little Mermaid, there’s only one thing left to do. We gotta walk back to the rest of the group in slow motion, so the camera can focus on our chiseled abs and all that shit. I just hope this one’s a little less homo than Top Gun.”

  Ariel gave Todd a grin and a nod, and then the two teammates turned around and began walking back over toward us. Now that I could see them fully, I truly appreciated what they had decided to wear.

  Ariel was in a green sports bra and tight, black dri-fit shorts. Her abs, thighs, and arms were muscular with the perfect amount of femininity, and she took the term “fitness model” to a whole new level of sexy.

  Meanwhile, the Toddster was wearing a bright yellow pair of trunks with red across the waistband. As if that wasn’t enough, there was a set of sunglasses plastered to the front along with a Hulk Hogan mustache above the crotch.

  As they strolled, the tiny imp made it a point to hum out Danger Zone as obnoxiously as he possibly could.

  “We still coulda won,” I heard Mammon grumble as he waddled past Asmodeus and followed the victors. “I honestly coulda just stood up front and blocked their shots with my bulk.”

  “Please,” Asmodeus scoffed, “you’d still have to move around. Besides, I’m not exactly a fan of being on the behind, if you get my drift.”

  “Bro,” Todd whispered loudly, “I told you not to make it gay.”

  The four players sauntered back over to where the rest of the team laid, found their towels, and then plopped down in ecstasy.

  “It’s a shame Lilith, Ziminiar, and Daniel couldn’t come out today,” Superbia mused as she looked off into the bright blue sky. “It’s the perfect weather for the beach.”

  “Ziminiar is working,” I reminded the Sister of Pride, “he’s been cooped up in his castle for the last few weeks, studying every nook and cranny of the Book of Bezaleel. He fought alongside us during the battle with Beelzebub, so he’s earned a long vacation doing whatever he thinks is most important. If that’s figuring out the Book of Bezaleel, then so be it.”

  “Daniel probably could have come along.” Cupiditas shrugged. “But he’s still hungover from all the partying he’s been doing with the other Shades in the army.”

  “I hope they’re all having the time of their lives,” I smiled, “they’ve definitely earned it.”

  “And Lilith is too busy figuring out the logistics of her new domain,” Eligor piped up from down the line. “My Mistress has been hard at work liberating the Shades of the Eighth Circle, rebranding its entire image, and putting the correct social and political structures into place. That’s why she sent me in her place.”

  “I’d have it no other way,” I retorted as I looked the knight’s body up and down. “Any day you’re here with us is a fucking prize.”

  “Easy there, Jakey,” Todd warned, “please don’t make me bust out the spray bottle, bro.”

  “He’s just marveling at beauty when he sees it,” Asmodeus mused, “that’s what I’ve always liked about King Ralston. He has excellent taste in his romantic partners, and he’s not afraid to say it aloud.”

  “He’s also not afraid to take what he wants,” Mammon chuckled as he gave Asmodeus a playful punch to the shoulder. “Isn’t that right, Mirage?”

  A dark blush crept up the succubus’ face as she nodded her head in hesitation.

  “A madame doesn’t kiss and tell,” she purred.

  “Bullshit, Chris Angel,” Todd snickered. “Do I really gotta remind you of all the times you went around the castle, literally singing about how much you loved having Jakey all up in your guts?”

  “How did that song go again?” Libidine giggled. “Long Hog Blues?”

  “I dunno what makes you so blue about a hulking dong,” Todd shrugged, “if anything, I’d figure you’d be singing Ah Sweet Mystery of Life.”

  “A song from a Kurt Vonnegut play?” Sia questioned. “I didn’t think you were that classy, Todd.”

  “Kurt Vonnafuck?” the imp shot back. “Who the fuck is he? I’m talkin’ about the song from Young Frankenstein, Strawberry Shortcake.”

  “Ah, yes.” The petite redhead rolled her eyes. “Much more cultured.”

  “If Gene Wilder tap dancing with a reanimated corpse isn’t cultured,” Todd mused, “then I don’t know what is.”

  “Speaking of a reanimated corpse,” Ira strained as she slowly sat up, “if I don’t switch sides soon, I’ll be in dire need of Tris’ necromancy powers.”

  The skin on the Sister of Wrath’s front was now as red as a tomato, and she was covered from head to toe with white blisters and yellow, crusty chunks where the entire epidermis had been burnt off. As she slowly rolled her body over, my entire team let out a series of groans and gags.

  “Are--
Are you really gonna put sand in all those cuts?” I gagged. “That’s gonna sting like a bitch.”

  “I know!” Ira cooed as she plopped her wounded front down onto the sandy ground.

  Then the Sister of Wrath began to wiggle her body against the gritty, harsh earth as she let out a series of stifled moans.

  Meanwhile, all the rest of us could do was watch in horror as the sand rubbed into her open wounds.

  “I think I’m gonna be sick,” Ariel gasped and then placed her hand against her mouth.

  “Why don’t we, uh, move to a different spot?” I suggested. “Like, away from here. Anywhere but here.”

  I set off down the beach, and all of my friends and allies followed me until we came to where the shore made a natural bend.

  “How about a fire?” I asked as I looked off into the setting sun. “This looks like the perfect spot for a campsite.

  “I hate to be a Debbie Downer,” Todd spoke up, “but I don’t see any kindling or rocks or anything we can use to keep it going. And we’re missing the most important ingredient of all, bro … Gasoline. You can’t have a bonfire without gasoline.”

  “Sure, you can,” I reminded the imp. “Actually, you probably shouldn’t be using it anyway. Remember what happened to our friend from college, Sean?”

  “You mean Skippy?” Todd shot back. “The dude who was always hopping around on his fake leg? I dunno what an amputee has to do with pouring gasoline on a fire, bro.”

  “Bro … ” I stared the imp down silently as I watched the realization spread across his face.

  “Ohhhhhhh,” Todd giggled and slapped his forehead. “You’re saying he slipped on a puddle of gasoline, broke his leg, and they had to amputate? No worries there, bro. The sand’ll soak up anything we spill on it!”

  “That’s … That’s not what I meant.” I facepalmed, but the imp was already moving on to the next subject.

  “Ya know what? Fuck it.” The imp shrugged, and then he summoned Hellfire into his hand. “Sand burns, right?”

  “Not really--” Asmodeus began, but Todd was already moving.

  “Haduken!” he screamed as he launched a blast of red flames into the ground below.

  Chunks of sand flew up into the air as the tiny fireball smashed into the dirt, and I threw up a small wall of purple flames to protect us from the backsplash. However, once the literal smoke had cleared, we saw Todd’s flame was still roaring strongly.

  “That defies the laws of physics … ” I mumbled to myself.

  “Bro,” Todd shook his head, “I’m a demonic imp who lives in the Fourth Circle of Hell, has a massive schlong, and is obsessed with pro wrestling. This is the part you find unrealistic?”

  “I guess you’re right,” I chuckled, and then I popped a squat right next to the imp in front of the tiny flames.

  “I wonder if Sister Ira will join us when the sun finally goes down,” Deja mused as she plunked down beside me.

  The beautiful, tan brunette smelled sweetly of suntan lotion and coconut, and her skin was now a nearly perfect bronze as it glowed in the setting sun. Deja was clothed in a tiny, bright green bikini top composed of little more than two patches of fabric held up by a series of black metal links around her neck. The fabric swatches were just large enough to cover her erect nipples, and the bottom of the suit was a simple v-string thong.

  All of my succubi were beautiful, but Deja was the one I could always count on to kill the “suns out, buns out” look.

  “Are you kidding?” I laughed and put my arm around the Cali girl. “Once the sun’s gone, she’s probably gonna need a new source of pain. And that fire right there would be perfect.”

  “I don’t think so,” Invidia shrugged as she pulled off her hat and tossed it to the side, “she’ll probably run down into the sea. This is salt water, right?”

  “Oh, god, Elvira,” Todd shuddered, “are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

  “The salt water will fill her wounds and send shots of pain straight through her body,” Vidia continued, “and she’ll love every second of it.”

  Just the thought of what Vidia was describing made my entire body tingle and shiver.

  There was pain, and there was sadism. And then there was Ira.

  We all sat there as we told each other jokes, chatted about the new developments in our Circles, and just enjoyed each other’s company as the sun went down.

  Finally, after about an hour or so of socializing, Ira came sauntering over. The Sister of Wrath’s wounds were completely gone, though, no doubt a result of her powerful self-healing spells.

  “Well, that was a much-needed spa day!” the dark-haired succubus exclaimed as she squeezed in between Mephisto and Asmodeus. “I haven’t felt this refreshed in years!”

  “How could you?” I retorted. “Ever since Todd and I got sucked up into this world of Heaven, Hell, and everything in between, it’s been one thing after the other. First, it was hunting demons on Earth. Then it was coming down here and killing Azazel. Then we had to build up our army and take down the Unholy Trio. I think this is the first time since the beginning where we’ve had any time for a vacati--”

  Before I could finish, a cold, clammy hand slapped against my mouth.

  “Don’t you dare, bro,” Todd warned. “Don’t you dare jinx us by saying it out loud.”

  “Saying what out loud?” Eclipse spoke up. “Was Jacob about to say some sort of incantation?”

  “Even worse, Lizbeth,” the imp continued, “he’s gonna ruin all our fun party time by talking about how great it is. Total fucking jinx.”

  “But … haven’t you just ‘jinxed it’ by saying it out loud?” Libidine suggested.

  The color seemed to drain away from Todd’s face, and he pulled his hand away from my mouth. The tiny red imp stared at his mitts in disbelief, placed them against his head, and then let out a deep sigh.

  “Maybe not, Lib,” he muttered. “Noooooo. I totally said Jakey was gonna jinx it. You can’t jinx something just by pointing out the potential for a jinx.”

  “Are you sure about that?” Cupi giggled. “Because that’s not the way regular hexes work at all. If you say the right combination of words, the spell will occur. Intent or semantics don’t really matter.”

  “This ain’t a regular spell, my bodacious blonde,” the imp continued, “I’m sure we’ll be fine. Just as long as Jakey doesn’t say … the thing he was about to say.”

  “What?” Mammon asked with a quirked eyebrow. “That this was the first real vacation you guys have had in years?”

  “Auuuuuuuggggh!” Todd tossed his head back and did his best Charlie Brown. “Way to go, Jabba, ya just jinxed us all.”

  “Relax, bro,” I chuckled, “I think you’re being a bit superstitious. I know life is eventually gonna throw us back into the fray, but for now we should just kick back and enjoy each others’--”

  “I see you’re still savoring your victory, King Ralston,” a familiar, cooing voice spoke up from behind me.

  I spun around on the ground and found myself staring directly into a pair of golden metal trunks. Then my eyes slowly made their way up the armored body until they met with two dark purple eyes looking down at me.

  Lilith, the Demon Queen.

  “Awwww, what’d a I tell ya?” Todd grumbled. “Vacation jinxed.”

  “Vacation?” Lilith mused. “This is what you call a vacation? I would have figured this was every day for you, Jacob. I know if I had access to these beautiful shores, I’d almost never leave their side.”

  “Well, for starters, these shores are technically King Mephisto’s,” I reminded the Demon Queen, “but even if they were mine, I definitely wouldn’t get to enjoy them daily. There’s way too much shit going on for me to just sit back and push off all my responsibilities.”

  “You don’t have to push them off,” the redhead smiled and then nodded to Eligor, “you just have to delegate.”

  “Nah,” I shook my head as I flirted with Lilith, “you know me … I’m more of a ‘hands-on’ sort of guy.”

  “Oh, yes, I remember,” she purred, “that’s exactly why I’m here right now. I have a small job. A very important job, one that will require a man of your talents.”

  “The great Demon Queen is asking me for help?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “This is new.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself, King Ralston.” She smirked and wagged her finger at me. “I could probably handle this mission on my own, but I wanted the company. It makes it much more tolerable.”